How To Expand and Develop Yes or No Questions


One of the things I love most about reading tarot cards is that I can serve as a catalyst to help people find a completely new spin on their situation.

Let’s face it: people often come to the cards for two main topics—love and work—and at times when they feel they have no control over something happening in one of those spheres.

Will I get the job?
Will I get fired?
Will I get the raise?

(The idea being: I have no control over these things, therefore, simply tell me what is going to happen so I can at least prepare.)

Will he fall in love with me?
Will he propose?
What does she really think about me?

(The idea being: I have no control over these things, therefore, simply tell me if it’s worth investing my time and my heart.)

Will he (or she) come back?

Here’s the thing, folks: cards can tell you. I’m not going to lie. But what if you stopped asking those questions for a passive, beyond-your-own-control, this-is-going-to-happen-to-me answer, and instead opened yourself to letting go of needing to know yes or no?

Are you not an integral part of the situation at hand? 

And if the answer to that is yes, then doesn’t it make sense to examine your role, rather than ask a question that turns over all agency to some mysterious force that decides the outcome for you?

Let’s take responsibility for what happens to us in our lives.

Recently I was chatting with a new acquaintance and I asked him if he had any questions for the cards. His immediate response was: “Will I find love?”

When we ask a passive yes or no question, definitively, of the cards, sure, we’ll get an answer. But assuming the answer is no, and just no?

Will I find love? No.

Will he come back? No.

Chances are good that a “no” only affirms fears and disappointments that are actually at the heart of why you’re asking such a ridiculous question in the first place. (No offense.) In this context, in my opinion, either a yes or a no is a completely useless response in practical terms.

Instead of asking the question about your greatest fear, ask the cards about your possibilities. Ask the cards about alternatives. Ask them about what’s underlying it all. Ask why this is important to you. Ask what you’re afraid of. Ask about what would happen if your worst fear came true. Ask about how you can deal with the answer, and build from there.

I don’t necessarily have problems answering questions of this nature, if someone insists on them. Sometimes we just want reassurance or confirmation of our gut instincts. But in order for the cards to take us to that next level where we really dig deep and get into the mud and muck from which the proverbial lotus emerges, we have to scratch beneath the surface.

Why the hell did he leave in the first place? Or even: why are we no longer together? What would happen if he never came back? Is she good for me at this point in my life?

Why don’t I have love? Why am I wondering if I’ll find it? How will I know it, when and if it shows up? What the hell does love mean to me, anyways?

In the end, you never have to say just yes or no, anyways. The cards will deliver the real message you (or your sitter) is actually in search of, if you let them.


To the sitter who asks: “Will I find love?”


[Here I initially drew three cards. Notice how Le Monde is looking over her right shoulder? What is she looking at? Draw a sight card to find out.]


[Of course she was…]

“Will I find love?”

“Not if you keep walking away when you have it all.”
“Not if you keep looking at the past relationship as an ideal relationship, despite the fact that you have everything you need already around you in the present.”
“Perhaps, if you get totally stripped down naked to the core and let it all out, humbly get down on your knees and be vulnerable, give everything you’ve got to give—maybe, maybe then there’s hope.”

Or what if: “What do I need in love?”


“I need a journey towards total annihilation that strips everything down to the bare bones. I then need to turn around and see moderation staring me in the back.”
“I need endings as a connection to bridge the excitement and adventure of newness and the balance and compromise of stability.”
“I need new beginnings, dramatic endings, and refreshing renewals. I need to transform rigidity to fluidity.”

If a sitter comes to you with a yes or no question, you can extend your interpretation beyond black and white. Start to think in terms of active rather than passive. Start to see beyond the rote meanings into contemplating the actions in the story. Start to imagine that cards aren’t necessarily about showing you what is already pre-destined to come to you unbidden, but rather about reflecting back to you your role in co-creating your experiences in the Universe.

You must be unafraid of meeting yourself exactly where you are, and going from there.


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